to deprive of courage or confidence : dishearten discouraged by repeated failure>
(Definition courtesy of Merriam-Webster.com)
Warning - not a chipper post
This morning was not one of my bests. I woke up, felt great. Aaron and I were talking and laughing while getting ready. He says to me "let's call in sick today!" I, of course, got all excited and was ready to dial the # to my office when he chickened out. See, Aaron isn't one to ever call in sick. Ever! But he's had a really rough week and has been working like a mad man so I figured he was ready for a break. Wrong. So I got a little down, but moved on with my morning. I then go to weigh myself. Big mistake..apparently. I was up a good 2 lb's from earlier this week! This really pissed me off. I have worked my ass off all week long. I've done the Shred and the elliptical for 30 minutes every.single.night! I even did the elliptical for 45 minutes last night. I've been watching what I eat and counting every friggin' calorie (myplate calorie counter website - thanks Lindsey!) I don't drink during the week and I've been trying to cook healthier too. I mean, if I have grilled chicken one more night I might scream! I just don't get it. The number is not going down. It's going up. And I am so frustrated! I figured I would have at least lost a pound this week. On myplate you can choose how much you would like to lose a week and it calculates how many calories you should eat daily based on your weight, height, etc. I have been eating that exact amount (sometimes less) and working out. What is the deal! I can try and justify it by saying "oh it's muscle" but like Jillian said on the BL, the scales don't lie. That number that pops up is what you weigh, don't make excuses. I'm not a body builder here so I know it's not muscle. I have struggled with my weight for what seems like forever. I remember when Aaron went off to school I started working out and eating a lot better. He was no longer there to take me for a Mexican food dinner. I lost a lot of weight and felt so good about myself! I was breaking into the 120's...upper 120's, but still. Now, I feel like that number is so out of reach. I feel so discouraged. I know it takes time but I have been busting it for a while now. So I did what every rational person would do. I cried and cried some more. Aaron gave me a big hug and told me he thinks I'm hot and I don't need to lose any weight. That's nice and all, I mean it really is - love you hun :), but I'm sure he would think I was even more hot if I dropped my extra layer around my stomach. I know I will never be a petite thing. I have broad shoulders, a large chest and hips. I'm not going to be Megan Fox. I would just like to feel better about me. And you know what the sad thing is? I could look better and fit into smaller clothes, but if that number stayed the same I would still have a huge problem! Is that messed up or what? Why am I so driven by the number?? It must be something that has been beaten into my brain. Who knows!
Point is, I feel like I have been working really hard to lose some lb's and it's not coming off. If I would have at least maintained this week, I would be fine. But to gain. That's not OK. I'm going to keep it up with what I've been doing. Maybe in the next week or two I'll notice a difference.
Thank you all for listening. Sorry it's not a very exciting post! I am just down and I wanted to put it out there. Don't want you all to think that I never have any problems. How real would that be?? :)
Happy Friday ladies! I hope you all have an awesome weekend!! And if you have any weight loss tips, send them my way!
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